By His Grace

The alarm went off. "Time to get the kids ready for school," was my first thought. Heading for the kitchen, I searched for what was my first real desire of the day, and every day, my cigarettes.
   After opening a fresh pack from the kitchen cupboard, I lit up a cigarette and put it in the ashtray. Then I filled the coffee pot with water and pushed the button on top of the stove to "HIGH".
  Everyday it seemed to be getting worse. My problem wasn't going away. As God's Spirit was convicting me, I was in bondage to those little white cancer sticks.  I'd been saved for two and a half years, and since I was first saved, I felt God convicting me of my habit.   He was also trying to make me realize   that I had deliverance from that habit.  " He who the Son has set free, is free indeed."
   How many times had I asked for complete deliverance from cigarettes? Only to fall short and light up again.  I'd cut down to a pack a day in my own efforts, I kept "giving them to Him" only to take them back to light up again after supper.  It was very frustrating, knowing that God wanted me to quit and me wanting to please Him, and my addiction fighting me every inch of the way.
  I was convinced that God would have to allow something really drastic to happen to me in order for this flesh to give way to my spiritual desire, and His will.
My unsaved husband couldn't figure out why I wanted to quit smoking, it  kept my weight down, and I loved smoking, he thought.  This all happened in the 1980's when the stigma against cigarette smoking hadn't started among the general public.  It was an accepted part of everyday life.  And my husband smoked as much as I did. He didn't want me to quit, and felt I would always be a two-pack-a-day smoker. Needless to say, I couldn't count on him for encouragement or support.
  I know guilt doesn't come from God, but I felt guilty anyway, and miserable, Satan raked me over the coals over and over again, telling me I'd never be free, and get the victory.
  How could I say Jesus was Lord over my life when I couldn't live 15 minutes without cigarettes?
They were my real Lord, and master of my life.   Jesus was second.  This was a part of my life I really didn't care to see. All my life growing up my mother told me if I put my mind to it, I could do anything, and I believed her. But this was not working out, this was beyond my power and I knew it.
   When the Lord first started convicting me of my habit, I thought Id probably never be free of it. That was when the Lord showed me maybe it was because I really did love them more than even I would dare to admit.  I would go to church, cry, ask for prayer, and go home and light up again. It was a very frustrating circle.  Every morning and every night I would ask God's forgiveness.  In my devotions and prayers it was the same thing over and over, "please forgive me for smoking and please help me to cut down, and not to love them and help me to overcome this.
  My friends tried to comfort me. They all, in so many words, gave me a feeling that it wasn't really a big deal that I smoked.  No matter how loving they were it still didn't change what I felt God was telling me.  His Spirit was telling me that no matter what kind it is, sin is sin, and it puts a wedge between us, and it would reign over all that I did.
   It seemed every sermon I heard, pointed to my problem, and an imaginary neon sign would flash in my head "Cigarettes". It wouldn't shake. I knew God wouldn't stop convicting me until that problem was gone once and for all. Oh how my spirit was fighting my body, and time and time again my body won!
  Satan deceived me so many times, I shudder to think how may times he must have rolled over laughing at my belief that I was bound in chains and I'd never be free.
  He had me right where he wanted me. Of course I'd prayed plenty, but I didn't really believe it in my heart that I could be delivered. That was the key in my life, the spoken Word.
  It was Holy Week,  the day before Passover. I was listening to a radio program on a Christian station. The Preacher was talking about why the disciples could not cast out demons. It turned out to be because of their unbelief.  He also talked about Jesus not doing mighty works in his own land and it was because of their unbelief in Him.  God was using this message for me. His Spirit was telling me this was for me and to really listen.  The preacher continued to talk about faith and casting mountains into the sea. " Whosoever shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed and be cast into the sea; it shall be done. And all things whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, BELIEVING, ye SHALL receive."
  It clicked!!  I had just opened another pack of cigarettes and I had smoked the first one. I put the pack on the kitchen table, and thought " Lord, this is wonderful! I'll quit as soon as I finish this pack of cigarettes..."
  "You'll quit right now, and put that pack up in the cupboard."  Still my flesh wanted to run me into waiting, but no, I felt that I must obey before the Enemy of my soul, could steal what the Lord had made revelation to me.  I put the pack into the cupboard up on the top shelf, slammed the cupboard door and then and there decided to believe God.  I knew I would never smoke again.
  I was home alone, with my small son, who was outside at the time. I sat down at the kitchen table and prayed out loud.  I told God I would claim His promise to me, and ask forgiveness for the last time for smoking.   I told Him I was tired of being miserable and I figured He was tired of hearing how sorry I was, without enough sorrow to stop that sin.  I remembered at that moment the countless times I'd heard him say " Go and sin no more."  This time I'd do it!
  Then I bound Satan away from my lungs, my taste buds, and my mind. I literally told him off!
  I made sure he knew that I meant business and that he needn't waste him time tempting me any longer on this.  I said it and I believed it.
   I cast an imaginary cigarette mountain away from my life and threw it into the sea. I even bound Satan away from my moods, telling him I wasn't going to be miserable and I wasn't fearful of gaining weight. I threw every dagger back at him that he had ever thrown at me.  God overcame Satan in my
life, because I believed His promise and received His Word for myself.
  When my husband came home from work, I told him that "I quit smoking today!" The look on his face said "sure, how many times have we heard this?"  Then he said," Look out kids, your mom is gonna be on the warpath for a couple of days."
  Those couple of days came and went with my joy bubbling over and everyone shocked!  I was genuinely overflowing with joy and happiness for the first time in a long time. I could talk and be with God as an overcomer.
  All through this ordeal, the Lord would say to my "My grace is sufficient for you."  I never quite understood what He meant. God's grace is a wonderful thing. It gives us the desire to please Him and the power to accomplish His will.  Now I know God will never ask me to do anything that He won't give me the power to accomplish it.
  I also believe that, in my life, God allowed me to see that in my own strength I could never quit smoking.  Then He gave me the strength through His Spirit and His Word to be instantly delivered.
  I had no withdrawl symptoms, no cravings, it was like I had never smoked!!!
  It has been 38 years  that I have been free!!
  I do believe God has helped me to overcome in many areas over the years. This was an outstanding problem in my life. I do not judge others who smoke. That is between them and God. I still am a work in progress, and God shows me continually what is important for my life.
  I am ever grateful to Him for His never !!ending,everlasting LOVE!!