Black Beauties, one white cross and a bong... Part 1

 It was August 1979, it was hot out and it was a Saturday. I was having another bad day. Upset with the way  my life was for me at that time.

  I heard about a party going on that night, in a town close by, that someone had mentioned to me at my work. I worked in a factory and most of the friends I had, worked there too,

  I decided, why not go.... my husband at that time had pretty much showed me that I didn't matter, what I felt, didn't matter either. He was involved with another woman, and he had no apologies.

  So, I went to the party, I don't remember how I got there or how I got home. I was doing a lot self medicating with Red Bud and pills.

When I think back to those days, I can hardly believe how messed up I was. Grasping at straws to cope  and to make my life seem "normal."

  My husband  and I had 3 kids. They were 6,4,and 2 years old. We lived in a very small 2 bedroom apartment in a little town in South Eastern Michigan.

  Anyway, I went to the party, and just tried to find some solace there. I noticed the T.V. was blaring a Saturday Night episode, and there were people sitting on the floor with a bong....

  I sat down too and looked around. I barely knew these people, just mere aquaintances from work. We were factory rats chillin and "having a good time" supposeably...

As I sat there, I felt so lost... I really don't belong here... what AM I doing here, I need to leave...

And I did. I was offered a ride home, by a guy from work, who stopped by when he saw me walking, and he said , get in, I can take you home... but I didn't take him up on that ride, thankfully.  

It was after midnight, I walked around that little town,  and I knew I needed to get home. I was determined to get there, and I did, eventually. Not sure how I got there, but I did. During that walk home, I felt a huge guilt over what I was doing with my night and my life. How can I be so irresponsible. I have 3 kids that I need to be home with. No matter how bad things are, its not their fault. I vowed to myself, this is not going to happen again. I will do better, I will be better than that!

  So when I got home, I looked in on my kids.  they were all asleep. My husband was asleep too, He worked 7 days and had to be to work on the farm early. I tried to sleep, but due to the fact I had  taken a few pills, black beauties and white cross, I couldnt sleep, at all!! I was awake for all of Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I was messed up.

  I didn't know at that time, that people were praying for me. I had met a lady a few months before that, and we had become friends. I had nothing in common with her. She was this clean cut,  wholesome lady, who  had joy and  peace and seemed to have a great life. She had invited me to coffee in her kitchen, we would have talks, and she just seemed so different than anyone I had ever met before. Before summer break, she would ask me if I would like to ride with her in her car when she would go and pick up her kids at school. I went along many times, me and my kids would go with her to get her kids. She was a light in my life, I was drawn to her,  I wasn't sure why exactly.  But liked her, she was kind and thoughtful and she offered her ears to me, when I felt I had no one.

  Little did I know, that God had a plan. He saw me, and my life, and He loved me, and this life I had carved out, was not in His plan...